Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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