Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I cockslap morals
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
