Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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