I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
