WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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