They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
