so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just made my gag reflex go away.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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