I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
