Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need to align my fucking chakras
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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