That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
