is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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