Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
