dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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