All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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