he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
