call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
