I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
