I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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