I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
