Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
