I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
