She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
