There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
