you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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