still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
