you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Alive.
So much puke
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
