So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
