Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
