he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
