Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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