My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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