Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
