Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
