so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
