Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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