the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
there is glitter all over my balls
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
