I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
