I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
