If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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