too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
