I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
