hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
