billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
