Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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