She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
