I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
do nipples grow back?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize