I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
