She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
