your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize