It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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