The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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