I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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