im six kinds of drunk right now
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you win again, gameday.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Terrible idea I love it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize