I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
