I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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