This is not my ceiling
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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