i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
