I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
