i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
