Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
