Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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