i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's shark week go big or go home
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
