mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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