all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize