You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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