I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
