Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
