I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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