We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
