We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
