Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.

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(954): View more from Florida

I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.

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(630): View more from Illinois

And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."

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(+61): View more from Australia

I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?

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(+90): View more from Turkey

I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.

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(+66): View more from Thailand

Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.

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