She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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